Focus on the Family endorsing a new and unbiblical view of marriage?

Dalrock has a piece entitled “Never let a crisis go to waste.”  He fills us in on what occurred on a recent Focus on the Family radio broadcast when the president of FOTF, Jim Daly, spoke with Christian relationship “expert” Dr. David Clarke.  For those who read and study the Bible, it is evident that Dr. Clark’s view on marriage is decidedly unbiblical, which is troubling to say the least.  For one thing, the so-called relationship expert would have us believe that wives are supposed to be in charge, not the husband, because, when it comes to marriage, men are clueless.  According to Dalrock: “Dr. Clarke reiterates that while divorce is technically a sin, women can’t be expected to honor their vows if their husbands don’t “communicate” the way wives demand…”

The most troubling thing of all is that Dr. Clarke’s unbiblical view of marriage was heard by a large number of listeners, mostly women, who regularly tune into FOTF to learn from so-called experts ways in which to deal with pressing family issues.

Now listen to Dalrock dissect the discussion…

Marriage problems

In my last post I described the surprising wisdom included in a New York Times piece on marriage:

“The way to stay married,” my mother says, “is not to get divorced.”

This is in line with both the Bible and science, but is contrary to modern Christian thought.  In the modern Christian view unhappy wives are an opportunity to invert biblical headship via the wakeup call.

Focus on the Family offers a striking example of this new and unbiblical view of marriage in their radio program Moving From Loneliness to Intimacy in Your Marriage*.  The program is an interview with Christian relationship expert Dr. David Clarke by Focus on the Family president Jim Daly.

The show opens with three clips of women with petty grievances about their marriages.  Dr. Clarke sums the complaints up:

Well, these little stories we heard just a few minutes ago from these ladies, I have heard a million times at my seminars, in my therapy office, oh, just one after the other, good solid Christian women. I am so lonely. I love my husband. He’s a good guy. He’s not in a serious sin and … and he loves me,but … and then they go into what these ladies just said. We’re not together a lot. There’s no real intimacy. I’m dying inside. And the key is, they’re not letting the husband know that. The guy has no clue. He’s perfectly happy. So, when that woman hits the wall and leaves him, he is the most stunned guy on earth.

Clarke’s focus is “catching” these women before they are compelled to divorce, by teaching them how to threaten their husbands into better communication.  He explains that the solution is for the wives to take charge, and for the husbands to let them take charge, which he claims is God’s plan:

This is what God has done to us (Laughing). Now He’s got a master plan, because if we work together and let the woman actually teach us, ’cause she has many more skills interpersonally that we will … ever will have. She’s got a Ph.D. in emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy very often. We have like a third-grade education. So, we have to let the woman kind of guide us, teach us. And then we come together, we get it.

The premise here is that women are better at marriage because they are unhappy being married.  Since men tend to be for the most part content in honoring their vows, and women tend to be unhappy doing so, this is proof that women are better at marriage than men.  It isn’t just headship that Dr. Clarke is turning upside down;  virtue has become vice, and vice has become virtue.  Being discontent is a virtue according to Clarke, and being content is a sign of foolishness and inferiority.  Also note that Daly is right on board with this, and Daly is the president of Focus of the Family.  Continue reading


The Church Does Not Need Christian Radio–By Timothy Hammons

H/T Glenn E. Chatfield

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5 Responses to Focus on the Family endorsing a new and unbiblical view of marriage?

  1. Dudette October 21, 2015 at 8:23 pm #

    Good article.

  2. Lisa October 22, 2015 at 12:58 pm #

    In studying the book of Revelation this year in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), we are learning how to discern false teachers and false doctrines. The following verses allow the Christian to discern the difference between true & false teaching.

    1 Cor. 12:3; Acts 17:11; Romans 12:2; Galatians 6:4-6;
    2 Tim. 3:16; and Hebrews 5:14.

    1. Study the Scripture. Internalize it, seek Christian counsel, mentors, learn to decrease so that He may increase.
    2. Transform your mind in order to know God’s will.
    3. Difference in discernment for those with the Holy Spirit.
    4. Share good applications of the Word with other Christians.
    5. God-breathed Scripture is good for training in righteousness SO THAT we can know God’s will.
    6. Mature in knowledge so that you can further your training in discernment, and therefore become more like Christ.

    God is the arbiter of absolute truth, and He shares it with us through His Word (the Bible) and through the prophets. If we know these truths and the character of God, we will have discernment. Praise Him!

    • edwitness October 30, 2015 at 3:52 pm #

      That is an awesome word. The problem some people have is that they develop a loyalty to an organization. This loyalty is sometimes understood by them to be God’s will for the Christian. When that organization begins to move away from God’s word the loyalist moves as well. One example would be Roman Catholics.

      Even though Jesus said to the disciples, when arguing over who would be the greatest among them, “But you shall not be so.” they believe that God has set the hierarchy over them to lead them into the truth. And that only the hierarchy has an unction from God to understand and teach the scripture. Just look at how far from the truth of God’s word they have gone. They are pagan.

      Many Protestants have fallen into the same trap. Mostly through laziness. It takes too much energy to study so they just believe whatever the Church leadership tells them. And when they do study, they read what their leadership has written or endorsed. Leading to further false understanding and misinterpretation.

      We must understand, as you have said, that the word of God, the Bible, through the leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit, is the final court of arbitration. When what is being taught does not agree with the clear teaching of the Bible, it needs to be exposed and rejected.
      Blessings to you:-}
      And MARANATHA!

  3. Al March 12, 2016 at 10:09 pm #

    I am curious as to what the petty complaints are that the three wives voiced.

  4. Joe May 10, 2016 at 12:18 pm #

    I noticed many years ago that churches marginalize and make fun of men. For example, when the women go off on a retreat, there are many jokes from the pulpit on how clothes will pile up unwashed, the house will be a mess, and how we will eat out every meal since of course we are incompetent int he kitchen.

    I don’t know why it is, but Churches do not build up men. They just do retreats that nearly always feature a sports figure (because yo know that’s all men can understand), then demean us subtly at other times.

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