Many Christians have been confused about the difference between being kind to one another, and being nice. Aren’t they the same thing?
No. Kindness is one of the biblical fruits of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. This fruit is evidence of the Holy Spirit’s sanctifying work in our lives, proof that we indeed are growing in faithfulness. These nine virtues become a part of who we are as God shapes us into His image.
Not on this list is niceness, a thing that we can choose to put on and take off like a pair of shoes. Being nice in our day and age can often mean that we must shut up about sin and ignore injustice, just to get along. Put on your happy face and soften your voice, and you can be nice too.
Chris Honholz recently wrote an article on his Voice of Reason blog about the difference between Nice and Kind, which he has allowed me to share. Enjoy, and do subscribe and follow Chris:
It Is Not Kind To Be “Nice”
According to Christian author and preacher Voddie Bauchum, if there is an 11th commandment in the evangelical church, it is, “Thou shalt be nice!” To put it succinctly, many Christians today believe that the greatest sin one can commit is to make someone feel bad about themselves in some way. The sin is even greater if the offended person is a fellow Christian. It is a common refrain that Christians should never judge or speak ill of another professing Christian or ministry, regardless of whether or not the persons involved are acting sinfully or contrary to Scripture. If a person says he or she is a Christian, the only thing that is considered acceptable is to be nice and make them feel loved and included. The problem with this mindset is that it is found nowhere in Scripture.
Many today look at Scripture’s teachings regarding loving one another (see John 13:35) and not judging others (see Matt. 7:1) as proof texts which require every Christian to always and forever be nice. The problem with this, aside from the fact that the context of these passages is ignored in virtually every case, is that it requires an imposition of modern ideologies on Scripture to come to this conclusion. While Christians are indeed to be kind to one another (see 1 Cor. 13:4-7, Eph. 4:32, and Col. 3:12), biblical kindness is not the same as modern-day “niceness.” Scripture is clear that Christians should build one another up, use their gifts for the edification of the church, and not do that which would cause another to stumble. However, it also calls Christians to teach, reprove, and rebuke one another that some might be deterred from sin and walk rightly with their God. Biblical kindness actually requires Christians to love each other enough to hold others accountable before God.
An excellent example of this manner of kindness is found in the apostle Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians. In the first four chapters of his letter, Paul expounds on the fact that human wisdom pales in comparison to the wisdom of God, that the Corinthians, in their feeble wisdom, have acted like the world by dividing into groups based on their favorite teachers, and exposes their haughtiness over the supposed wealth and power they have gained. These chapters alone are a stinging rebuke to the church that Paul desperately loves. However, in chapter 5, Paul brings a charge against the church for tolerating sexual depravity of the worst sort, an incestuous relationship between a man and his step-mother. Paul expresses his shock as, “that is not tolerated even among pagans” (5:1)! It is here that we see the glaring difference between niceness and kindness.
The Corinthian church, much as we may see in modern-day evangelicalism, appears to have considered itself loving, inclusive, and tolerant. The church was planted in one of the most debaucherous cities of the day. To have it said of oneself that one, “lived like a Corinthian” was not a compliment. The church, rather than being a beacon of God’s truth in a dark city, had become compromised. The evidence of this corruption was found, not only in their love for wealth and power (see 4:6-13), but also in that they permitted a man to remain in the church who actively lived in a sexually depraved lifestyle. Worse yet, the relationship was not even one that the Corinthians themselves would have tolerated. In their niceness, the Corinthian church refused to even acknowledge the wickedness of this man’s behavior and did nothing to hold him accountable. Their desire to “be nice” so hamstrung their abilities as a church that they were functionally encouraging this man to stay in his sin, walking down the road to perdition. There was no kindness in tolerating wicked sinfulness amid the congregation, and Paul made this clear to the church.
In verse 2, Paul writes, “And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you.” The apostle sternly rebukes the church, identifying their greatest sin in this matter, their arrogance. The Corinthians thought they knew better than God’s word in this matter. Better to tolerate the man and his sin than to risk offense and potential public outcry. Paul calls out this foolish pride, telling them that they should be in mourning rather than celebration. The church was doing damage to this man’s soul by refusing to hold him accountable for ongoing, unrepentant sin. Paul calls for the man to be immediately excommunicated from the body. And it is in this that Paul shows how the church is to be kind, for the man’s removal would serve a very specific purpose.
Paul explains to the church as he writes, “you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord” (5:5). What some then, and now, may have thought of as being harsh and extreme was the greatest kindness that could be offered. When a professing Christian lives in unrepentant sin, he is revealing himself to actually be an enemy of God. Paul explained to the Romans that a person is either a slave to sin or a slave of righteousness (see Rom. 6:15-23). Therefore, a person who claimed to follow Christ yet regularly and with abandon dove headlong into sin revealed themselves to still be shackled to sin. This is why it was necessary for the Corinthians to purge the wicked man from the body. By being turned out that he might be separated from fellowship, from the love, protection, and provision of the church, that he might endure the earthly penalty for his sin, this man might recieve God’s kindness that leads to repentance (see Rom. 2:4). Where the church had been “nice” to this man by ignoring his sin, kindness exposed the man’s true state before the Lord and revealed his only hope would be found in repentance and faith.
This is what the church today must understand: niceness is not kindness. Scripture condemns the haughtiness of a people who refuse to condemn sin and call others to repentance. It commands the church to be so steadfast and immovable concerning sin, to recognize and preach that sin is war against God, that the kindest thing a Christian can do is to seek to save those from the fires of hell, hating even the “garment stained by the flesh” (Jude 23). While kindness in the church takes many forms, it cannot lack the love necessary to walk alongside professing brethren and encouraging them to walk in righteousness and holiness. When one begins to deviate from that path, kindness calls out for repentance and reconciliation. Kindness pursues even the most ardent sinner, leading them to the cross of Christ. And kindness even appeals to church discipline, including excommunication, when all other avenues have been exhausted. Christians, do not seek to be nice, but always be kind.
Chris’ blog is here.
